


Adventures in Mischief

by broadlicnic



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-14
Updated: 2012-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-05 08:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/404519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadlicnic/pseuds/broadlicnic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint is bored, and his favourite way to pass the time is winding up Tony Stark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adventures in Mischief

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing Avengers fic. Not only that, I was quite drunk while writing it. Sober beta-ing happened to fix typos.

The problem with being an Avenger was, while the exciting and scary times were more exciting and scary than one could possibly imagine, the downtime was even more tedious in comparison.

At least for Clint. The others relished in their time off. Tony and Bruce had their labs and respective projects, and Steve and Thor spent most of their days acquainting themselves with seventy years of pop culture and history (when Steve wasn’t too busy being “courted” by Tony.) Natasha seemingly never got tired of target practise. Clint would join her, but SHIELD had more bullets at their disposal than arrows.

So Clint saw only one option: mischief. Not Loki-style, ‘destroy the world for the lulz’ mischief. Clint was focused on one target. His bullseye was Tony Stark.

He started with the little things, like when he convinced Steve that Twilight was the epitome of modern culture and that a substantial knowledge of the plot and characters would impress Tony. Having to spend an entire weekend watching every film as a ‘team-bonding exercise’ was worth the trauma just for the look on Tony’s face when Steve asked him if he was Team Edward or Team Jacob. Thor declared himself in favour of the lupine one, due to his mighty physique and shape-shifting abilities. Then he likened Jacob to the Hulk, and Bruce slipped away for an early night at that point. The whole plan resulted in Tony locking himself in his lab for a week, and ordering Jarvis to queue up every classic vampire movie and all of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix.

His next plan involved Dummy. With the help of Bruce (who had decided to blame Tony for the Twilight debacle because “he’s your boyfriend, it’s your responsibility to stop him becoming a teenage girl”) he reprogrammed Dummy to extinguish Tony’s coffee every time he went for a sip. That plan only took an hour to frustrate Tony, and when Steve confronted them about, Bruce put on his most innocent expression and said they were only concerned about Tony’s caffeine intake. Bruce became Clint’s best friend for life when, not only did Steve buy it, he thanked them.

But nothing could compare to the Holy Grail of knowledge Natasha slipped him one Tuesday morning.

“Tony had a sex dream about you,” she said, voice monotone, from behind her coffee mug.

Clint spluttered around his toast. It was the proper reaction.

“I heard him moaning in his room,” Natasha continued, without prompting. “But Steve was having his medical at SHIELD. And you know what Cap’s like about being loud. Anyway, then Tony said your name. Well, he said Hawkeye, but-“

“He dream-cheated on Steve with me,” Clint said. “Does that make me a homewrecker now?”

“Please. I used to dream-cheat on you all the time,” Natasha scoffed. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Don’t worry. I have no quarrel with your former lovers.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think Steve will be so understanding. Tell him and I will kill you. And then Fury will raise you from the dead and kill you again for the inevitable drama it will cause.”

“I promise,” Clint mimed zipping his mouth closed. “I can still have fun with Tony though, can’t I?”

“Why do you think I told you in the first place?”

~o~

He started slow, wearing the tightest jeans he could find around Stark Tower, and always needing to reach for something above Tony whenever he sat down so that his ass or crotch would end up in Tony’s face. He’d hidden a lot of arrows around the place for this very purpose. He’d rest a hand on Tony’s thigh during Movie Night, counting down the seconds until Tony realised he wasn’t Steve but slipping his hand away before Tony could call attention to it.

He sent a picture message of his junk to Tony’s phone, once, insisting it was meant for Natasha and sending her the same message in case he checked her phone.

The icing on top of his seductive cake was the Naked Guy, guaranteed to break even the most resilient of superheroes. The plan was beautiful in its simplicity. Merely lie naked on the bed, get Jarvis to alert Tony to a situation in his room, and wait. The result would be one of three things: 1) Tony would blush, a sight not yet witnessed in Stark Tower. 2) He would scream and run away, which would be hilarious. Or 3) He would pounce, which would be hot at hell, but would be bad for Steve so Clint prayed for 2.

He didn’t expect Steve Rogers to snap his photograph on his phone.

“Steve, email the photo to Fury,” Tony said.

“I don’t know how to do that,” Steve muttered. Without taking his eyes off Clint, Tony took the phone from Steve’s grip and swiped his fingers across the screen.

“What’s your game, Barton?” Tony asked, the slightest hint of a smirk on his lips. “Think you can get a rise out of me?”

“I already got a rise out of you,” Clint said. He felt his dignity was best preserved by giving off an air of nonchalance, and didn’t bother to hide his nakedness.

“Oh, the dream-cheating,” Steve laughed. “Tony told me about it. It wasn’t quite what you think.”

“Dream roleplay, my friend!” Tony said. “Steve was Hawkeye, I was Loki. It was unexpectedly erotic.”

“Tony…” Steve warned. He was a private guy, that Rogers.

“Oh,” Clint said. Maybe it was time for him to grab that pillow.

“This is your phone, by the way,” Tony said, tossing it at him. “You can explain to Nick Fury why you’re texting him naked photos of yourself.”

“You are evil,” Clint grumbled.

“Revenge for Twilight,” Tony said.


End file.
